missing you...

The wind is howling outside .Rain glitters my windows and slicks the walk. Cold is drifting in through the tiny cracks in the walls I havent yet repaired. It will soon snow , cleansing the dirt from the pavement and dust from the roof. It will also erase my hope of seeing you soon. But somehow, though I miss you desperately, my heart is not broken by this. I think that today I am too busy being grateful that my bed is soft and dry, my stove is warm and full, and that my child is healthy, happy and greatly loved. I am here. I am alive. And I am close by. And yes, I wish I was in your arms, in your bed, but I AM in your life, and that is what matters in the end.

Ta' tú...

Tá tú mo riamh, mo anam
Tá tú mo mícheart, mo ceart
Tá tú mo thuras, mo bóthair
Tá tú mo maidin, mo oíche
Tá tú mo chreideamh, tá súil agam mo
Tá tú mo talamh, mo spéir
Tá tú mo ebb, mo sruth
Tá tú mo ghrá, mo shaol

Translation:

You are my ever, my soul
You are my wrong, my right
You are my journey, my road
You are my morning, my night
you are my faith, my hope
you are my ground , my sky
You are my ebb, my flow
You are the love of my life

Jack

He watches her candle
flit from window to window
and wonder what cares
cast her face in such shadow

the light from her flame
dancing in the lace of snow
drifting through the wind
snuggled to the earth below

Kisses ever cold
but so warmly he blows
they flutter on glass
and in her light glows

In the cold of the night
he waits and he knows
that her light will soon leave
and the darkness will grow

So he leaves her the moon
And his kisses of snow
To contemplate his love
in her silent tableau
　

So tired...

Im very tired of not giving up.
This smile im constantly wearing
Is old and heavy.

Im tired of pushing forward..
moving on.
I want to wallow in the past awhile

Im tired of taking the high road
You don't deserve the loyalty anyway.
I should tell the tales as I see fit.

Im tired of always giving in
and letting you have your way

But Im more tired of fighting
so you win by default.

How easy it was for you to walk away.
( How could i mean that little to you?)
You expected me to protest
( Why think I would beg for you?)
I could hear it in your voice.
(Your tears do not fool me)
You needed an excuse to turn back around.
(I could have given you many)
We've been friends forever
(or, rather, I thought we were)
And your new love wanted me gone
( how powerful she must feel now)
So you chose your love over me,
( It wont be the last time she makes you choose)
That wasn't very wise, my usedtobe friend.
Because a love that forces you to give up friends
Is NOT a love
But a jailor

you cannot find me here
if i do not let you in.
so why do i sit at the door
and wait for your return
the way a good dog
awaits its master?
my hand steady on the latch
my head tells me to lock it
Because i have only to open my heart
just the tiniest crack..
and you will fall inside
crashing into the faith
and the hope,and trust Ive built,
the dreams I kept hidden from the rest of the world.
And you will destroy everything you touch..

yet my hand still rests on that latch.
waiting for your arrival.

Tick Tock

Time is always the enemy
crawling when i needed you here
running when i held you
and now it slips away with every breath i take.
It lies.
It cheats.
It steals.
It mocks us all.
And I would beg for more on broken knees
if it would gain me just one last moment with you.

hourglass

Time is pressing into me
leaving all these weird indentions
like a shirt that’s too tight.
constricting my heart
my lungs
until i can’t even breathe.
Its in these moments that i miss you most
i remember those quiet times
when you would lay with me
your forehead against my neck
your arms wrapped around me
and our legs in a dizzy tangle.
How safe and warm and loved I felt.
and even though it was all an illusion
I would give almost anything to go back there
to be safe from the cruelty of time.
to be warm without this chill in my heart.
and to be loved by you once again.

Obstinate

You know you’re going to fall eventually. You never look back over your shoulder to see how far from the ground you are.You just keep climbing higher. You have to have faith, right? You have to believe. You promised. You either trust, or you don’t. And hope that when you fall (of course you’ll fall) you’ll have a nice soft landing.
But that’s never how it is. The landing is always so hard. Shattering. And putting all the pieces back together takes more than glue and dreams. You know that fall is coming. So why do you keep climbing ? Why do you keep getting on that ladder when every rung, every step, leads you so much closer to disaster?

Junkie

He’ll bleed you out,
  Slash your wrists
   with the broken promises
 he’ll keep making.
The promises you’ll keep believing.
It’s the beginning of the end
   when you’re groveling,
on your knees
 for that second helping
   of blood stained kisses
begging for the touch
   that fills the hollowed out place
where your soul used to be.
   When he finally gives in,
gives you what you’re aching for,
you’ll forget how you layed on this floor,
and bled your tears into the carpet;
     empty and broken.
Just like his promises.